Da Bones Quote Lists

Alex (Horn): Dude, I don't believe in laws anymore.

Alex (Horn): He looks like a rhino...but I just want him to fuck me

(On DCI videos)
Dan Gu: That is incredibly sexy

Brad: Why do you want to get drunk?
*Neil air-thrusts repeatedly*

Kathyrn: No...I'm going out with a friend who's engaged.
Dan Gu: THREESOME!
Kathryn: She lives in Louisiana
Dan Gu: CHEATING!

Sherman: If I was giving you a blowjob, it'd be good.

Brad: Try having three balls...

Jeff: I will be asshole, you can be president.
Roger: YES. This is exactly the way I wanted my night to go.

Sarah: AHHH! My drink has so much drink in it!

Brad: Wait...how do you mount someone?

Max: You know what was illegal once? Black people.

Jeff: Am I drinking out of a candle holder?

Brad: Is it generally bad to refer to females as "bitches"?

Sherman: I feel like most Asians are more nutritious than Americans.

Sherman: I'm not going to get less drunk so other people can have sex.

Sherman: NO!! Penises don't go crunch!

Sherman: I'm sorry, but it's not okay to high-five after having sex.

Jeff: I don't have a heart.

JenWa: Sherman, I'm so glad you're awesome, because [Lucas] sucks!

Liz Gall: I'm old enough now that people get knocked up on purpose.

Sarah: I don't care what you do, just not in my mouth.

(Playing kings)
Michael Hurd: I don't know that game. Is it like Apples to Apples?

Sarah: My urethra is here, but my wet spot is there.

Paul: I'm replacing my showerhead with a wand shower head so I can wash my ass properly.

Stache: I feel like I grow when I hug Shark.

Max: Women are like gay men with vaginas.

Sarah: I don't like that noise. I don't understand why.

Dan: Your spices aren't organized
Lizzie: Your mom...

Sarah: Your mom was pretty hard to get into.

Dan Gu: I have to poop
(goes to bathroom, returns 5 seconds later) It didn't feel right.

(cleaning up vomit)
Jeff: Why is it always red and chunky when it's at our house?

Dan Gu: The asshole is presenting...

Jeff: Why does prelim show up in your phone [T-9]? That's really fucking sad.

Kathryn: Never have I ever...shit

Arturo: You have to drink when you're clueless?
(Frank drinks)

Jeff: Lou Dobbs shits on your mother!

Todd: Never have I ever sucked a dick
(Kathryn turns to stare at Roger)

Lizzie: Did you just say "hard-on" or "pardon"?

Roger: Never have I ever slept with a man.
(Jeff puts a finger down)
Everyone: wait...WHAT!?
Jeff: OH...(puts finger back up)...I am happy you all were so concerned.

Winter and Spring

Shark: He's the only black man left in Africa!

Andrew Robbins: Brad, you, like, suck up the ass!

Sarah: I think I'd like gay porn.

Lizzie (to Frank): You'd be cheating on Brad in two ways!

Max: It's just your dick net.

Brad (out of nowhere at Applebee's): You know, a good way to
scare someone is to pull a knife on them.
*later* I shouldn't say things like that, should I?

Cameron: Wait, Nips didn't have sex with a baby in the butt?

Zach: HOT POCKET! . . . ah, fuck, it's hot

Brad: All you need is a Bud Light Lime. It's only 90 calories!
Frank: Wow, that's less calories than semen!

Sarah (while naming fruits): Rainbow . . . ?

Zach (about Alex): She had a threesome in my roommate's bed while
I was sleeping . . . that night was weird.

Max: Have you ever played the game where you all sit in a circle
and throw a pool ball at each other's nuts?

Aly: You make sex on my face.

Zach: Sam Dean, don't let them drink me more.

Lizzie: There is no incentive for you to not fuck your brother

Jess Kelley: My boobs and vagina are just so awesome, it doesn't matter.

Kathryn: Look! It's a sexy pile of man!
Zach: I don't think this is a very sexy pile.
Andrew Robbins: That's because you're on the bottom!

Lizzie: Yeah, I've definitely done that. Wait, what does that mean?

Amanda, to Kathryn: Alright, you attract lesbians and I'll take them.

Frank: I came back because I don't feel comfortable around that many girls I don't know.

Carrie: The gargoyle? That's like the lock and load, only sitting down.

Lizzie: But doesn't it zap your gonads?

Spring and Summer

Kathryn: Come join the sexiness!
Frank: And by sexiness, you mean "Frank-being-drunkeness."

Stache: I am a wizard, and my dick is my wand!

Lizzie: Hi, Brad!
Brad: Hi, Tittymuncher.

Lauren: Just because I use my tongue doesn't mean I want to do you!
Sarah: Oops . . . clitoris!

Alex: I could be GAFing Elena right now.

Jeff: I need more lube when I poop... that's the problem.

Max: Hey, cut him some slack, he does come from a long line of Foelsches last name.
Jared: Damn straight.

Lizzie: I don't think hippies get AIDs. . .

Stache: Yeah, Frank was wearing a French Maid outfit.
Tyler: Wait, you have a French Maid outfit?

Tyler, Chris, Zach: (toasting) To not shitting out of our dicks!

Chris: Penis was said, but we toasted to dicks.

Alex: No, she can't have sex. She's too ticklish.
Chris: Well MAYBE she should take some tranquilizers first.

Rachel: I'm from Seattle.
Lauren: Cool. Do you barbecue in Seattle?

Max: They just could have made a better use of Natalie Portman . . . ‘s boobs.

Zach: Sex is just . . . it's really sticky.

Lizzie: Make the anal plugs come back!

Chris: "Boops" is what you say when you accidentally flash someone.

Lizzie: Who are those people? One of them looks black.
Tyler: Are we being robbed?!?!

Sherman: Going down on a girl is much worse than giving a blowjob.
Roger: How the hell are you judging this?

Crossword clue, 7 letters, "it often contains x's"
Brad: Is it PORNVID?

Sarah: My trail of thunking

"Het is beter over je fiets te lullen dan over je lul te fietsen" – Old Dutch Proverb
("It is better to tinker with your bike than to bike over your penis")

Ducky: There are few things in the WORLD that mean more to black people than WEED.

Driveby, Homecoming, Saturday pm: SUCK IT, DAN GU!

Kathryn: Jeffrey! Kisses!
Jeff: NOPE.

Tyler: First of all, I like me some Gumphshk.

Tyler: Eating food while watching Food Network is like jacking off while watching porn

Alex: So you know, like, when you first take a bite of stinky cheese,
or a shot of whiskey, it's not that pleasant?
Roger: Wait, so you're saying that vaginas are an acquired taste?

Lucas: I would love for Cameron to kill, like, 20 trumpets ... !

Sarah: It smells like urine ... now it doesn't anymore.

Sarah: Last night in my dream Shark got ass-rape.

Kathryn: Your hair is really bushy.
Max: And my bush is really hairy.

Kathryn: I have some scary-ass connections.
Cameron: ASS-CONNECTIONS... HAHAHAHAHAH!

Dan Gu: I usually have to take a shit right when it gets really cold.
It's like AIRCONDITIONING! ... dammit

Torch: Scersk has a one track mind.
Scersk: (awakened by the sound of his name) Mm, what, food?

Brad: Yeah pussies are scary ... but that doesn't mean you can't lick them.

Dan Gu: Oh here's your house. *tosses piece of railing up the stairs*
Tyler: *SIGH*

Kathryn: Are you circumcised?
Dan Gu: No ... my parents don't get ... things.

Lizzie: Uh, bones don't "bop."

Tyler: I need to put something in my mouth while I work.

Roger: That would be fun for Jeff, REALLY fun for Vicki, and terrifying for you (Kathryn).
Stache: Ah, you're talking about a threesome.

Sarah: That sounds really rape-y.

Ducky: Marijuana is illegal because white people are afraid of Mexicans.
Cocaine is illegal because white people are afraid of black people.

Dan Gu: Meth is illegal because white men are afraid of soccer moms.

Zach: Quarters—it's a really stupid game. Don't play it. But I'm REALLY good at it.

Zach: I'm going to stab you.
Alex: STOP! That's my grapefruit knife!!

Jeff: All you want to do is fuck-bang him, right?

Brad: I have to eat this, and then I have to ... FUCK.

Brad: I think Obama ... shit, I mean Osama.

Sarah: Beer tastes good when you're, like, drinking!