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Da Bones Quote Lists
Quotes of the Year: 1992-1993
aka The 426 Eddy Quote List
aka "Those dumb-ass bones' Quote Sheet '92-'93"
"My butt is falling into my mouth."
--Andy Loosemore, center square
"Women think with their clit- and it's too fuckin' small!"
"It's small, but it's powerful"
"That sounds familiar."
--Ersk, in reference to just a football game
"I'm going to beergoggle, and you can't stop me, dammit!"
"I was just fucking around."
--Sammy, two days later
"So what else is new?"
--Anastasia fluteplayer, two days later
"I love you, man. Fuck you for making me throw up."
"Beer out of a keg tastes like beer out of a keg."
--Ersk, the Yogi Berra of Da Bones
"Ersk, get your stick out of the mud!"
CHUCKIE: "Andy, are you still seeing Jen?"
SAMMY: "Which Jen?"
"It looked like that guy was missing an arm, but then I realized he was just scratching his back."
"Guys...it's only a bagel."
"But it's got a hole in it."
JANE: "This blanket smells like sex."
CRAIG: "Thank you."
NORM: "If it's Craig's, you must be mistaken."
"Sometimes we're like whores with instruments."
--Mike Barone, on the marching band
"Cornell is so into nostalgia, that if a Cornellian had invented the square wheel, we'd all be bumping along College Ave."
"I'm always on the rag"
"I couldn't even find the goddamn opening."
"My butt has a sign that says 'Insert Here'."
"I'm just a walking piece of shit."
"Craig, you're a fucking walking stain!"
"Craig, you're a walking, fucking, shit-stain!"
--Norm, reading the quotes
"I just felt like I was really ugly."
"When I get a job, I'm going to be like Mike: the beer's on me."
--Ersk, witnessed by Norm, Craig, and Stealth
[What are you doing after graduation?]
NORM: "Getting a job."
"I can hear the fuckin' electron volts goin' thru the thing!"
"There's Choogie in my eyes!"
--Andy, watching an illegal movie, and taking tragic drugs, or something like that.
CRAIG: "Splash some cold water on your face."
ERIC: "Do you think I need to splash cold water on my face when I wake up twenty minutes before my final?"
"Be honest and take it like a man...but wear a cup."
--Dan, with words to live by
"I can't believe they kicked me, Andy, out of Vitolins!"
"How much for the little girl?"
"Roll out your brother..."
--Andy, on the Columbia roadtrip
"I'll be horny to the day I die. I'll probably be horny on the day I die."
"Life is short. Stay hard."
"...It's just like a goddamn Vitolins.! You can't get any privacy!"
--Norm, intruded in the bathroom
"Darts is such a relaxing game."
"Da Beems! Da beems are breaking!"
"They weren't lazy, they were dumb!"
--Andy, on his classmates
TABLEWINE: "...they find the dead body?"
NORM: "No, the other one."
"...Ya know, the same way I shouldn't worry about setting a wedding date 'till I find someone? I shouldn't worry about morning sickness 'till I find someone."
"Flip? You lost to a guy named Flip?"
"Murry's tickets, whaddaya want?"
--Murry, of Murry's Tickets
"Pfffft! Pfffft! Pfffft! Pfffft!"
--Craig and Opie, expressing their nervousness on the roadtrip to Boston with Norm
CLAVIN: "Norm, don't be angry."
NORM: "Sure. What's up?"
CLAVIN: "I, uh, broke your credit card."
NORM: "Yeah, right."
"Who wants me?"
--Mary, entering the dining room at the Cornell Club
--Everyone in the room
ANDY: "Remember the good old days, when all you had to worry about was getting her pregnant? None of this AIDS shit."
CRAIG: "Before my time."
"I kinda like the little boy on the right."
CLAVIN: "Twice a week?"
CRAIG: "What's the matter- can't handle it?"
NORM: "Is that any way to treat your special valentine?"
CRAIG: "What, my hand?"
"Zippy the Glad Bag Kid."
ERIC: "Give her a call this weekend, go out."
ANDY: "We'll just end up sleeping together again."
"It was a chair, not a table- I fell over the table."
--Tablewine, explaining party dancing
"Hey! I need to speak to Jose!"
--Many bones in the stands, on the bus, etc.
"I'm such a hypocrite."
--Craig, during a night of debauchery
NORM: "It wasn't that funny."
TABLEWINE: "Just think; one of your audience has been up for 24 hours, one is drunk, and one is Craig."
VETO by Craig
"Fuck you all."
--Craig, see above
--Andy, Eric, then Craig, the Tablewine, acting strangely
"Tonight, we've proven everything reduces to a tree falling in a forest."
--Tablewine at 4:30am
WHAT TORCH SAID: (To Jen) "You're going to put that to your eye? You could get some disease."
WHAT TABLEWINE SAID: "Whaddaya mean? She would already have one."
WHAT NORM HEARD: "Whaddaya mean? She already has one." (!)
Which is funnier? You make the call
ERSK: "You do fluid dynamics?"
TORCH: "Only when I urinate."
"It smells good. Don't let me do it. It smells good. Don't let me do it."
--Craig, the hypocrite
"Hey, there's a toilet penny!"
--Craig the poker player
"I have two wieners."
--Craig the well stocked
"Yeah, it's just those dumb-ass Bones downstairs."
"Do you have to stomp around like a bunch of elephants?!?"
--Our neighbors, once again
"Nirvana- 'Smells Like Fried Tweeter'."
--Tablewine on that fateful night
"Welcome to the Hotel de Boni..."
--Da Bones singing Da Eagles
"Andy, how are ya-- Oh! Sorry!"
--Craig, walking in on Andy and "other person"
"Well, maybe you should knock on the door before you enter... D'oh! I think I'll eat my hat now."
--Craig, on a Star Trek episode with Andy present
"We had everything-- beer, sex, pot and puke..."
--Eric after Sue's happy hour
"Da Bones-- 1 million satisfied customers"
"Hey Tablewine... speak of the devil, it's the devil."
--Craig, summoning Tablewine to the phone
VETO by TW
"How many Egyptians do you know that are named 'Eddy'?"
--Ersk to Craig
"Ooh! Close one!"
--Andy on his most recent race to the phone with Stealth
--Ersk, Craig, Andy and Norm
"I've got to admit-- sometimes I'd rather be Clavin."
"I bet if you had an equation you could fix it!"
--Andy to Craig (fixing shelf) and engineers around the world
"You mean that's your worst?"
--Vice President Craig to Vice Asshole Ernie- Craig has it wrong
"Beer brings pain!"
--Sympathized with by Norm, Craig, Ersk, Andy, Rich, Tablewine, etc...
"Thing is, you have to laugh at life, or else you end up crying all the time."
--Andy, on life
"Don't you hate when you have to shit and piss at different times...then you end up going to the bathroom twice as much."
ERSK: "I'm going to pull an all-nighter so I can go to a bar tomorrow."
SAMMY: "That's commitment to beer. I appreciate that kind of commitment."
"BEER IS FOOD"
--Guy at Kennedy Space Center
"Do you know how tough it is to untie double-knotted shoes when you're wasted?"
"Yes, 'cause I always double-know my shoes."
"Yes, 'cause I'm always wasted."
"They're walking way too fast..."
"This looks like a nice alley."
" [unprintable] "
"Why don't you get down on your knees and blow me?"
--Craig to Andy who just told him to do the dishes
"Sorry, my lips are too sore from last night."
"My ears are clogged up, and I'm miserable, and I want everyone to know it."
"Wahhh, fuckin' wahhh, fuckin' wahhh."
--Everyone else in response
"Every time I sit down I get a red mark on one of my legs."
--Sammy, on his circumference
"It feels good. It's nice and stiff, too."
--Craig, on Eric's ruler
"They're spotted now!"
--Ersk, on his underwear
CRAIG: "As far as I know, nymphomania is a psychological disorder."
SAMMY: "Yeah, but it can be fun."
"Safety's always a consideration when you're dealin' with nuc-u-ler- weapons."
--Dude on TV dismantling a nuclear missile
"I'm sooo horned up right now, Craig... I'm thinkin' of calling _______"
--Sammy, coming back from Dunbar's
"We caught you!"
--Da Bones referring to Stealth's letter from Playboy
--Ersk's remark to Andy pointing out that he had a used
condom wrapper in his hand
"You might want to wait a couple of half-lives."
--Craig, on whether or not to go into the bathroom after Stealth just got out
CRAIG: "You know, we coulda laid anyone at that party."
ANDY: "Yeah, all we'd have to do is walk up to some girl and say, 'Hey, I'm a Bone, you wanna fuck me?' and she'd scream yes."
CRAIG: "Let's go back."
CRAIG: "No, I mean it..."
"Can anybody find me somebody to love?"
--Queen, performed with Craig and Eric
CRAIG: "Oh, fuck."
ERSK: "Stop thinking about _______."
CRAIG: "It's hard."
ANDY: "It's official... Craig needs a blow-job."
[Editors note: When I ran a grammar check, I thought it humorous and oddly appropriate that one of the measures of complexity showed this document to have a 2.5 grade reading level. --Norm]
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