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Da Bones Quote Lists

Quotes of the Year: 1992-1993

aka The 426 Eddy Quote List

aka "Those dumb-ass bones' Quote Sheet '92-'93"

"My butt is falling into my mouth."
--Andy Loosemore, center square

"Women think with their clit- and it's too fuckin' small!"

"It's small, but it's powerful"

"That sounds familiar."
--Ersk, in reference to just a football game

"I'm going to beergoggle, and you can't stop me, dammit!"

"I was just fucking around."
--Sammy, two days later

"So what else is new?"
--Anastasia fluteplayer, two days later

"I love you, man. Fuck you for making me throw up."

"Beer out of a keg tastes like beer out of a keg."
--Ersk, the Yogi Berra of Da Bones

"Ersk, get your stick out of the mud!"

CHUCKIE: "Andy, are you still seeing Jen?"
SAMMY: "Which Jen?"

"It looked like that guy was missing an arm, but then I realized he was just scratching his back."

"Guys...it's only a bagel."

"But it's got a hole in it."

JANE: "This blanket smells like sex."
CRAIG: "Thank you."
NORM: "If it's Craig's, you must be mistaken."

"Sometimes we're like whores with instruments."
--Mike Barone, on the marching band

"Cornell is so into nostalgia, that if a Cornellian had invented the square wheel, we'd all be bumping along College Ave."
--Jason trumpet

"I'm always on the rag"

"I couldn't even find the goddamn opening."
--Andy, speculating

"My butt has a sign that says 'Insert Here'."

"I'm just a walking piece of shit."

"Craig, you're a fucking walking stain!"

"Craig, you're a walking, fucking, shit-stain!"
--Norm, reading the quotes

"I just felt like I was really ugly."

"When I get a job, I'm going to be like Mike: the beer's on me."
--Ersk, witnessed by Norm, Craig, and Stealth

[What are you doing after graduation?]
ERSK: "Rowing."
NORM: "Getting a job."
CRAIG: "Panhandling."

"I can hear the fuckin' electron volts goin' thru the thing!"
"There's Choogie in my eyes!"
--Andy, watching an illegal movie, and taking tragic drugs, or something like that.

CRAIG: "Splash some cold water on your face."
ERIC: "Do you think I need to splash cold water on my face when I wake up twenty minutes before my final?"

"Be honest and take it like a man...but wear a cup."
--Dan, with words to live by

"I can't believe they kicked me, Andy, out of Vitolins!"
"How much for the little girl?"
"Roll out your brother..."
--Andy, on the Columbia roadtrip

"I'll be horny to the day I die. I'll probably be horny on the day I die."

"Life is short. Stay hard."

"...It's just like a goddamn Vitolins.! You can't get any privacy!"
--Norm, intruded in the bathroom


"Darts is such a relaxing game."

"Da Beems! Da beems are breaking!"
--Downstairs neighbors

"They weren't lazy, they were dumb!"
--Andy, on his classmates

TABLEWINE: "...they find the dead body?"
NORM: "No, the other one."

"...Ya know, the same way I shouldn't worry about setting a wedding date 'till I find someone? I shouldn't worry about morning sickness 'till I find someone."

"Flip? You lost to a guy named Flip?"
--Murry's rent-a-Claus

"Murry's tickets, whaddaya want?"
--Murry, of Murry's Tickets

"Pfffft! Pfffft! Pfffft! Pfffft!"
--Craig and Opie, expressing their nervousness on the roadtrip to Boston with Norm

CLAVIN: "Norm, don't be angry."
NORM: "Sure. What's up?"
CLAVIN: "I, uh, broke your credit card."
NORM: "Yeah, right."

"Who wants me?"
--Mary, entering the dining room at the Cornell Club

" "
--Everyone in the room

ANDY: "Remember the good old days, when all you had to worry about was getting her pregnant? None of this AIDS shit."
CRAIG: "Before my time."

"I kinda like the little boy on the right."

CLAVIN: "Twice a week?"
CRAIG: "What's the matter- can't handle it?"

NORM: "Is that any way to treat your special valentine?"
CRAIG: "What, my hand?"

"Zippy the Glad Bag Kid."
--Andy's friend

ERIC: "Give her a call this weekend, go out."
ANDY: "We'll just end up sleeping together again."
ERIC: "Damn!"

"It was a chair, not a table- I fell over the table."
--Tablewine, explaining party dancing

"Hey! I need to speak to Jose!"
--Many bones in the stands, on the bus, etc.

"I'm such a hypocrite."
--Craig, during a night of debauchery

NORM: "It wasn't that funny."
TABLEWINE: "Just think; one of your audience has been up for 24 hours, one is drunk, and one is Craig."
VETO by Craig

"Fuck you all."
--Craig, see above

--Andy, Eric, then Craig, the Tablewine, acting strangely

"Tonight, we've proven everything reduces to a tree falling in a forest."
--Tablewine at 4:30am

WHAT TORCH SAID: (To Jen) "You're going to put that to your eye? You could get some disease."
WHAT TABLEWINE SAID: "Whaddaya mean? She would already have one."
WHAT NORM HEARD: "Whaddaya mean? She already has one." (!)
Which is funnier? You make the call

ERSK: "You do fluid dynamics?"
TORCH: "Only when I urinate."

"It smells good. Don't let me do it. It smells good. Don't let me do it."
--Craig, the hypocrite

"Hey, there's a toilet penny!"
--Craig the poker player

"I have two wieners."
--Craig the well stocked

"Yeah, it's just those dumb-ass Bones downstairs."
--Our neighbors

"Do you have to stomp around like a bunch of elephants?!?"
--Our neighbors, once again

"Nirvana- 'Smells Like Fried Tweeter'."
--Tablewine on that fateful night

"Welcome to the Hotel de Boni..."
--Da Bones singing Da Eagles

"Andy, how are ya-- Oh! Sorry!"
--Craig, walking in on Andy and "other person"

"Well, maybe you should knock on the door before you enter... D'oh! I think I'll eat my hat now."
--Craig, on a Star Trek episode with Andy present

"We had everything-- beer, sex, pot and puke..."
--Eric after Sue's happy hour

"Da Bones-- 1 million satisfied customers"

"Hey Tablewine... speak of the devil, it's the devil."
--Craig, summoning Tablewine to the phone

"How many Egyptians do you know that are named 'Eddy'?"
--Ersk to Craig

"Ooh! Close one!"
--Andy on his most recent race to the phone with Stealth

--Ersk, Craig, Andy and Norm

"I've got to admit-- sometimes I'd rather be Clavin."

"I bet if you had an equation you could fix it!"
--Andy to Craig (fixing shelf) and engineers around the world

"You mean that's your worst?"
--Vice President Craig to Vice Asshole Ernie- Craig has it wrong

"Beer brings pain!"
--Homer Simpson
--Sympathized with by Norm, Craig, Ersk, Andy, Rich, Tablewine, etc...

"Thing is, you have to laugh at life, or else you end up crying all the time."
--Andy, on life

"Don't you hate when you have to shit and piss at different times...then you end up going to the bathroom twice as much."

ERSK: "I'm going to pull an all-nighter so I can go to a bar tomorrow."
SAMMY: "That's commitment to beer. I appreciate that kind of commitment."

--Guy at Kennedy Space Center

"Do you know how tough it is to untie double-knotted shoes when you're wasted?"

"Yes, 'cause I always double-know my shoes."

"Yes, 'cause I'm always wasted."

"They're walking way too fast..."
--Craig, toasted

"This looks like a nice alley."
--Norm, toasted

" [unprintable] "
--Ersk, toasted

"Why don't you get down on your knees and blow me?"
--Craig to Andy who just told him to do the dishes

"Sorry, my lips are too sore from last night."
--Sammy. Period.

"My ears are clogged up, and I'm miserable, and I want everyone to know it."
--Eric, whining

"Wahhh, fuckin' wahhh, fuckin' wahhh."
--Everyone else in response

"Every time I sit down I get a red mark on one of my legs."
--Sammy, on his circumference

"It feels good. It's nice and stiff, too."
--Craig, on Eric's ruler

"They're spotted now!"
--Ersk, on his underwear

CRAIG: "As far as I know, nymphomania is a psychological disorder."
SAMMY: "Yeah, but it can be fun."

"Safety's always a consideration when you're dealin' with nuc-u-ler- weapons."
--Dude on TV dismantling a nuclear missile

"I'm sooo horned up right now, Craig... I'm thinkin' of calling _______"
--Sammy, coming back from Dunbar's

"We caught you!"
--Da Bones referring to Stealth's letter from Playboy

"...red handed..."
--Ersk added

--Ersk's remark to Andy pointing out that he had a used
condom wrapper in his hand

"You might want to wait a couple of half-lives."
--Craig, on whether or not to go into the bathroom after Stealth just got out

CRAIG: "You know, we coulda laid anyone at that party."
ANDY: "Yeah, all we'd have to do is walk up to some girl and say, 'Hey, I'm a Bone, you wanna fuck me?' and she'd scream yes."
CRAIG: "Let's go back."
CRAIG: "No, I mean it..."

"Can anybody find me somebody to love?"
--Queen, performed with Craig and Eric

CRAIG: "Oh, fuck."
ERSK: "Stop thinking about _______."
CRAIG: "It's hard."
ANDY: "It's official... Craig needs a blow-job."

[Editors note: When I ran a grammar check, I thought it humorous and oddly appropriate that one of the measures of complexity showed this document to have a 2.5 grade reading level. --Norm]

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